Part of an ongoing series called societyA Community, founder of S L O W H O U S E Bella Koh has an honest conversation about leaving her marriage, the support network she’s cultivating with women in similar situations, and her brand.
When you first meet Bella Koh – better known as @catslavery on Instagram – you’re immediately disarmed by her charming friendliness, approachability, and candor. Regardless of her Insta-fame, Bella greets you with a big smile, a warm hug, and a sincere “hello”.
With that in mind, for this writer, it was a jolting moment to learn during our interview that at one point in her past marriage, Bella was dealing with suicidal thoughts.
As Singapore began to come out of the circuit breaker in 2020, Bella began to open up on her Instagram stories about coming out of a mentally abusive marriage.
“Leaving a toxic relationship felt empowering,” Bella told us. “I never felt more like myself and I needed to do this for myself and my child. It was unhealthy staying in a marriage that was mentally abusive to the point I was almost suicidal.”
As she transitioned into raising a daughter as a single mother, Bella learned that “being honest with myself and sharing that personal experience allowed me to hear from different people who were also going through similar trauma as a wife, a partner, a daughter, and even a son. It was so enlightening for me.”
Bella wears Dreamy Organza Dress from Tibaeg X societyA; her own accessories.
It’s fair to say that when you think of your big day – the happy wedding guests, the lovely white dress, the moment you exchange vows – divorce would be the furthest thing from your mind. Be it aggressively or subliminally, we are all taught that marriage is about compromise; about learning to work through the hardships and to journey through the valleys of partnership – and it’s this mindset that makes it hard to know when to draw the line, to protect your mental and physical health.
And when the battle scars aren’t visible, but tangible on an emotional and mental level, the line in the sand looks less like a line and more like a wisp intertangled with self-doubt and societal pressures.
It is precisely for this reason that Bella wants to speak up, and through her vocalization, create a community of women who are supportive of each other in their shared experience of going through a divorce.
“I feel the society is repressed when it comes to matters like these – as though we are not supposed to talk about it because (of our) Asian mentality, embarrassment, shame, and all that negativity,” Bella explained, when asked about why it was important to establish this support network. “As women, we need to support one another and created that positive platform where we are all comfortable relating to one another. That it is normal, that we are not alone. This is me empowering others to continuously have conversations around these topics.”
She noted that even amongst families or friend circles, a conversation about divorce may not necessarily elicit support. “This is why having a reliable support network matters,” she continued. “This is how we move forward as a society: talking about it and not suppressing our feelings, thoughts, and ideas.”
Locally, the mindsets towards divorce have certainly improved over time – World Views Survey, a global research project, released its findings this past February and noted that 57.1 percent of Singaporeans polled felt that divorce was justifiable. Still, that means that almost half of the community views divorce as something to be avoided.
When asked if she feels that divorced and single mothers face added stigma and pressure from the society at large, Bella replied “The stigma is on the society or the people who are generally narrow-minded and unable to see beyond. Single mothers, victims, and survivors should never subject themselves to that. We are stand by the choices we made for our own mental health and wellbeing. No one has been in your situation and your life and how you were living it.”
These days, Bella leads life on her own terms, and she’s choosing to focus her time on her daughter Alessandra, and their two pets. When she’s not off rollerblading or spending mother-daughter bonding time, Bella is working on her slow living brand, S L O W H O U S E.
“S L O W H O U S E grew out of my own personal journey as I delved into self-care and understanding myself better,” Bella shared. “This was around 2009 when I left my job and was feeling burnt out and disconnected. I came across LOHAS – lifestyles of health and sustainability – which resonated with me and made me more conscious about all the things I did, such as what I ate, how I treated my body, and actions that impact the environment. I started an Instagram account just to document my daily life, which led me to a community of people who cared about the same things as I did.”
The brand – which is stocked with societyA – focuses on providing her community with earth-loving, health-conscious, and sustainable lifestyle products that range from interior oils to little brownie squares that are irresistibly delicious.
Sharing on her business, Bella noted that her brand constantly “evolves and adapts, reflecting my journey. My organic brownies, for instance, grew out of popular demand when people tasted it at events and pop-ups, so that’s now a staple offering. I’m perfecting my new hojicha brownies, using pure Japanese matcha tea, and can’t wait to launch it in May! I created my signature scent, Contentment, because I wanted something uplifting and calming, and that has grown into a family of essential oil and body products today. I’ve got so many ideas and collaborations in the works!”
Reflecting on her journey as a single mother, Bella’s advice for other parents is simple.
“Parenting is a work in progress. No parent is perfect like how every child is different, and not every method works for every kid,” she reflected. “However, what remains constant is our values and principles. Let that guide you in parenting and be the best role model for your child.”
Click here to shop S L O W H O U S E by Bella Koh.
ABOUT THIS FEATURE
societyA Community is an ongoing feature that seeks to uplift and amplify female voices who are making a difference, whether it is in their chosen industry or within the community. If you would like to nominate someone for a future societyA Community feature, please let us know by writing in to care@society-a.com.
Photography: Zetty Ardila/societyA; Makeup: Special thanks to NARS.